Rolling Along

Met a guy who works at a tire shop... yes he works there. He's in nursing school, though... so the tire shop is not his end destination career wise.

He is the sexiest guy I've seen in about 5 years.

I need some way to pick this sexy man up without seeming too obvious.

Any suggestions??

Kisses,

***Your Ex-Girlfriend***

Baby Jim

Meet Jim...

Basketball player

Long shaggy blonde hair

Tall, skinny... nice abs

My second lay was far behind me and I was going on about 4 months of no lovin'. In walks Jim with his sexy self and all my inhibitions went out the window... almost.

Jim was an interesting character. I was in a sorority and he was pledging in a fraternity and after a social one night, I took him home because he was too drunk to drive. I was dating someone at the time, but we eyed each other like a secret promise that once that relationship was over... it was ON! Sure enough, the time came and we were ON!

He came over to my dorm one night to watch a movie. What movie, you ask? I couldn't tell you. I was pinned against the wall with my legs around Jim making sure the dorm room walls were steady and durable. We stopped before things progressed... but we both knew that this would be revisited.

I was invited to his place a week later. My doctor put me on sleep medicine because I was having trouble sleeping so when it looked like it was time for bed, I popped my ambien and we rolled around for a while... then we went to sleep (so I thought). The next morning, I wake up in my bed at my dorm room with wet hair dressed in all black (I don't ever wear black on black, not for me). When I asked my dorm mate what happened, she said Jim called her to come pick me up because I was talking about how he should put me on a pink pedi-stool. I HAVE NO CLUE... but apparently... I was on to something.

Jim... sexy Jim... didn't talk to me for a while. I don't know what was said, but it must have been weird. Also, embarrassing.

Jim found it in his heart to forgive me for whatever happened and invited me over. As I walked out of my dorm, the sprinklers were on. One sprinkler had burst open and water shot out about 15 feet into the air. I snapped a picture with my phone and saved it as evidence that something crazy was about to happen, I knew it! When I got to Jim's I had on a sexy leopard print bra and lace boy shorts topped off with hooker boots and a fur trench to cover me up until I arrived. In my top, I loaded up on condoms... because I knew it would be a long night. When the timing was right, I reached into my cleavage and pulled out a condom. Jim offered to use his, but I wasn't wasting anytime, told him no, and positioned the glove over him. As he pushed his way in, my body became boiling hot and I almost finished before we even started. Jim stopped and pulled his way out of me. He said, "Something is weird" and walked out of the room. I heard the faucet turn on... and off. Then I heard, "Hell No!" and I yelled, What's wrong?" to which he replied, "You poked a hole in this shit."

Ladies, I would NEVER do that. I am 5' 8, a 34 C and 120 pounds, why would I want to give up my amazing body for a baby while I'm a sophomore in college... the answer, I WOULDN'T.

I grabbed my jacket... slipped back into my sexy suit... and pranced my way out and over to Philip's (my booty buddy if you don't remember). Call me a slut if you will, but a girl's gotta get hers... this is for sure.

Boys and their egos... ridiculous.

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***

***Breaking News***

I encountered the smallest "man part" I've ever seen about three weeks ago.

Despite my immediate thought to RUN, I have to stick around and see what this guy is all about. This was not a decision I made alone, no, I asked all of my friends. Each one had the same thing to say, "Maybe he is good at other things..." Then, I started to imagine these other things. I thought about it non-stop for the past three weeks. So, last night was the big or should I say small test. Was I impressed? NO. Just as I imagined. He was no good at anything...

Thanks friends... you're a big help for this little problem. Now, I have put him in the friend zone.

Does size matter? I guess it depends on the girl. To me, HELL YES.

Kisses,

***Your Ex-Girlfriend***

My First Blog Award

Thank you to American Tribal for my first ever blog award. You make a girl blush!

Everyone make sure to check her out.

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***

Making Mama Proud

As Mother Philip entered, she screamed so loud I think she woke up China. Her face turned pale white and Philip shimmied his way out as I made a break for the bathroom. When I finally got the door to close after what seemed like 1000 years, I leaned against the door and slid down slowly.... completely naked, by the way. Finally, Philip's mom stopped screaming and this is what she said, " I know that this family has a procreating attitude, just look at all my grandkids. That's fine, Phil Phil. I just don't think its the right time for you to be having children. She's beautiful, sure, she would give me beautiful grandchildren, but your 24 years old. I am going to get you a condom from my room." Philip responds, "Mom, seriously... that's weird." To which she replied, "Hang on, baby, I will be right back."

At this point, I realized that he did have a condom on... and something didn't feel right. It was stuck in me. So while the most awkward conversation known to man was going on outside the bathroom, the most awkward moment I've ever had with myself was going on inside the bathroom. I did fish it out though.

A few minutes later, she says good night. I walk out... Philip waves the condom around with this naughty, naughty look on him face. Without saying one word, we smile at each other, LOCK THE DOOR, and move our party down to the floor.

If only booty buddies could last forever...

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***

The Booty Buddy

It all started when I found out Adam, the video game addict, was with another girl.

I moved on within 8 minutes. A text was sent... Philip came to pick me up... and I came a few HOURS later. It was so good... we did it again... and again.

Booty Buddies don't take you home to meet the family, but I was invited... so I went.

Philip's bed at home was a single bed that was loosely put together. It creaked more than a door on a scary movie. I said I could resist... we would wait until we got home. I couldn't and neither could he.

Not only did the bed creak, at one point the bed started to make a consistent ringing noise because the rocking was too fast.

Then, Mother Philip walked in. At this point, Philip's ass is straight up in the air and I am sweating so much I look like I just took a shower. She begins to scream... To Be Continued

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***

Video Gaming Addicts Anonomous

Whether you accept it or not, video gaming has become addicting to some people. Whoever created World of Warcraft probably sold crack before venturing into the gaming industry, it is that addictive.

Adam was way in over his head with games. When we first started dating, I was a freshman in college while he was a sophomore. He was tall, 6'5 to be exact. He worked out everyday, abs like a washboard, arms like... I don't know, but they were sexy. Curly brown hair, deep brown eyes. He made a smirk that showed you although he was all man, he wouldn't hurt a fly.

He even baby talked to me. I hated it until I liked it. I started baby talking back... oh goodness.

Adam was an all around good guy with a positive attitude and more friends than anyone I knew. His closest guy friend were obsessed with Ghost Recon. What is Ghost Recon, you say? The equivalent to marijuana, the gateway drug. Now, Ghost Recon started about 2 weeks into our relationship. The average time spent on this game was 3 hours. I decided to occupy this time by shopping or doing my own thing because it was his guy time. I didn't want to intrude. The game's addiction last about 3 months. When the guys decided to take the next step, Halo (cocaine), was their choice. The time spent on Halo increased from 3 hours to 4 hours to 5 hours over the next 6 months. So we have Adam the sophomore taking 12 hours of school, working out for 2 hours in a day, working as a waiter at a local restaurant 4 hours a day. Total time of all these things per day... 6 hours. I am no genius at math but I know enough to say that 11 hours in a day was taken up on all his activities leaving 4 hours of free time after including sleeping and showering. There 4 hours were often times in 30 minute increments. So... I managed. I bought a computer game to play while he did his thing... I played on facebook... I invited friends over to make fun of the 4 guys all in the same room playing the same video game, yet they still needed their headsets to communicate.

When Halo became tiresome, the boys got antsy. It was time to push the limits of their addiction. Next, World of Warcraft... the crack of the video gaming industry.

This is what happened.

Playing World of Warcraft took up all of the free time Adam had. It also started affecting his

GPA. We had a pretty healthy sex life until this point. The 30 minutes of free time here and there were perfect just for playing around. When World of Warcraft carried its stank ass into that apartment, sex was gone for good. Not even taking my clothes off and straddling him on the computer chair works.

We fought for almost a year over a fucking game... all the while him and his friends become so addicted, one got fired from his job for playing on the clock while another one quit his job to stay home and play that damn game.

Adam didn't let it affect his job or his working out, however... just his sex life and school work... you know, the things that DON'T matter.

The time came that I had to give up. So, I did.

2 weeks later, I get a knock on my door.

Its Adam. He came over to tell me he quit crack of warcraft. I cried and cried and cried. I couldn't believe it. He did that, for me!

So, I started talking things out with him.

Then I realized, it wasn't for me... it was for some girl he started talking to a week after we broke up. He was too embarrassed to play around her.

I could have killed a man... right then and there.

Also, the girl he dated after me broke up with him after 2 years of dealing with his recurring addiction.

I received a call from an unknown number... it was his ex!

Apparently, he met a girl on World of Warcraft... they can now act out their wildest fantasies via computer. Whatever!

So, in celebration of his award winning jackassness and some much needed rehab, we mayonnaised his car.

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***