The Booty Buddy

It all started when I found out Adam, the video game addict, was with another girl.

I moved on within 8 minutes. A text was sent... Philip came to pick me up... and I came a few HOURS later. It was so good... we did it again... and again.

Booty Buddies don't take you home to meet the family, but I was invited... so I went.

Philip's bed at home was a single bed that was loosely put together. It creaked more than a door on a scary movie. I said I could resist... we would wait until we got home. I couldn't and neither could he.

Not only did the bed creak, at one point the bed started to make a consistent ringing noise because the rocking was too fast.

Then, Mother Philip walked in. At this point, Philip's ass is straight up in the air and I am sweating so much I look like I just took a shower. She begins to scream... To Be Continued

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***

Video Gaming Addicts Anonomous

Whether you accept it or not, video gaming has become addicting to some people. Whoever created World of Warcraft probably sold crack before venturing into the gaming industry, it is that addictive.

Adam was way in over his head with games. When we first started dating, I was a freshman in college while he was a sophomore. He was tall, 6'5 to be exact. He worked out everyday, abs like a washboard, arms like... I don't know, but they were sexy. Curly brown hair, deep brown eyes. He made a smirk that showed you although he was all man, he wouldn't hurt a fly.

He even baby talked to me. I hated it until I liked it. I started baby talking back... oh goodness.

Adam was an all around good guy with a positive attitude and more friends than anyone I knew. His closest guy friend were obsessed with Ghost Recon. What is Ghost Recon, you say? The equivalent to marijuana, the gateway drug. Now, Ghost Recon started about 2 weeks into our relationship. The average time spent on this game was 3 hours. I decided to occupy this time by shopping or doing my own thing because it was his guy time. I didn't want to intrude. The game's addiction last about 3 months. When the guys decided to take the next step, Halo (cocaine), was their choice. The time spent on Halo increased from 3 hours to 4 hours to 5 hours over the next 6 months. So we have Adam the sophomore taking 12 hours of school, working out for 2 hours in a day, working as a waiter at a local restaurant 4 hours a day. Total time of all these things per day... 6 hours. I am no genius at math but I know enough to say that 11 hours in a day was taken up on all his activities leaving 4 hours of free time after including sleeping and showering. There 4 hours were often times in 30 minute increments. So... I managed. I bought a computer game to play while he did his thing... I played on facebook... I invited friends over to make fun of the 4 guys all in the same room playing the same video game, yet they still needed their headsets to communicate.

When Halo became tiresome, the boys got antsy. It was time to push the limits of their addiction. Next, World of Warcraft... the crack of the video gaming industry.

This is what happened.

Playing World of Warcraft took up all of the free time Adam had. It also started affecting his

GPA. We had a pretty healthy sex life until this point. The 30 minutes of free time here and there were perfect just for playing around. When World of Warcraft carried its stank ass into that apartment, sex was gone for good. Not even taking my clothes off and straddling him on the computer chair works.

We fought for almost a year over a fucking game... all the while him and his friends become so addicted, one got fired from his job for playing on the clock while another one quit his job to stay home and play that damn game.

Adam didn't let it affect his job or his working out, however... just his sex life and school work... you know, the things that DON'T matter.

The time came that I had to give up. So, I did.

2 weeks later, I get a knock on my door.

Its Adam. He came over to tell me he quit crack of warcraft. I cried and cried and cried. I couldn't believe it. He did that, for me!

So, I started talking things out with him.

Then I realized, it wasn't for me... it was for some girl he started talking to a week after we broke up. He was too embarrassed to play around her.

I could have killed a man... right then and there.

Also, the girl he dated after me broke up with him after 2 years of dealing with his recurring addiction.

I received a call from an unknown number... it was his ex!

Apparently, he met a girl on World of Warcraft... they can now act out their wildest fantasies via computer. Whatever!

So, in celebration of his award winning jackassness and some much needed rehab, we mayonnaised his car.

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***

What's your story?

Let's here the stories...

Has a boyfriend ever cheated on you?

What did you do?

I love to hear the stories...

The best one will get a spot on my blog!

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***

Tooth continued

The relationship ended very quickly, but not without some begging... pleading... and whimpering from Tooth. "I swear it was just once." "She came on to me." "It will never happen again..."

Now Tooth was a man a great talent... so when times get tough and I need a little bit of "stress relieving" he is the go to man. This made our breakup a little more interesting. You know, its near impossible to walk away from good sex. It is even more difficult walking away when there is so much make up sex potential. Although I had never hated anyone as much as Tooth, he was still irresistible to me.

Revenge was the only way I could find myself letting off steam other than the above disaster. I began with the spreading of mulch all over the apartment's bur bur carpet. Chevy LOVED this. He loved it so much that he shit EVERYWHERE and covered it up with all the new dirt! I wish I had thought to set up a camera to record the reactions of Kyle and Tooth, but after driving by the place when I knew they would be home... I saw the reaction I was hoping for... both guys and Ms. Shannon in rubber boots sweeping, scrubbing, and vacuuming.

For their revenge, my car was keyed.

For my next stunt, I took all the toothbrushes in the house and cleaned the toilet. I did cut out the kissing in our make up sex after this...

Lastly, I cleaned out my friend's cat litter box and poured the dirty litter into the bed in which the deed was done. Then, I covered it up with the comforter.

Ties were cut for about 3 years... Now, Tooth calls on occasion to ya know... but Ms. Shannon is now the proud parent of either Tooth or Kyle's love child. Classy...

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***

Tooth

Tooth was his nickname. I bet you can guess why. Although incredibly sexy, Tooth had a (one) crooked tooth. It was not too noticeable-until we started dating.

Imagine this sexy sexy man (minus the tooth):

Big Lips

Cajun Accent

Dark Skin

Brown Hair

Green Eyes

Skinny, but not too skinny

Occupation: Lawn "assistant"???

Oh, he knew how to mow a lawn and keep it up well.

Yes, he was a great lawn assistant in many senses not only on outdoor lawns . *Wink*

Tooth had a HUGE

Ego...

I think I would have an ego the size of his if I were a man of his sexiness, too.

Tooth and I dated for quite a while. We moved in together when I finished school to save money (screeching tires) We fought for no reason made up each time even more passionate than the last. Sometimes we would fight about nothing, but most times it was about his disgusting roommate (Kyle) and his bitch-ass girlfriend. Kyle moved in 4 months after I was living with Tooth because Tooth just could not see him "living on the street". Please note, Tooth lived in a tiny studio apartment in the Northern region of Arkansas. Tooth, Kyle and I were now sharing this tiny room. Two beds, one bathroom with no door, and a TV that took up half of the space. Kyle adopted a dog about two months after living together. A Chocolate Lab (Chevy). He kept Chevy inside for the most part as a baby so when the damn dog became over 100 pounds, Kyle was too scared to let Chevy roam outside. Chevy smelled like rotting antelope carcass with an emphasis on the "ass". Also, Kyle never potty trained him.

A untrained 100 pound chocolate lab in a studio apartment with three people.

You can only imagine the fights that occurred.

Chevy was the least of my worries, however. Kyle's girlfriend practically lived with us although her real residence was two blocks with 4 over skanks just like herself. Her name was Shannon... but she like to go by Shay. I called her Shay once... that was the only time I ever liked her. Anyway, Shannon was your run of the mill sluts, but for some reason decided to leech her sucker (mouth) to Kyle.

I think I'm a pretty nice person most of the time... I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but from the moment I met Shannon she gave me the most disgusting looks known to man. I wish I had a picture. She will have some strange wrinkles one day from those awkward facial expressions.

For 17 months, I ignored her snide comments and overlooked her dirty looks. I even invited her and her friends out with my usual crew to have drinks. What did I get in turn, a bar fight. Those bitches caused a bar fight. I am banned from The Que to this day because of them.

As I was getting off work one evening, I pulled up to the apartment to see Shannon's car in the driveway. I paused for a moment to gather my wit so I could respond to her constant barks with something clever and jabbing. Then, I was ready. I walked into the apartment where I was tackled by the moving, panting carcass and suddenly introduced to the three way sex-capade happening on MY BED in some awkward position. Kyle kneeling over Shannon who was on her stomach and in the lap of you guessed it... Mr. Tooth himself.

Since I had only prepared myself for responses to bitchy comments, I slammed the door and ran as fast as I could to my car. Upon starting the ignition, I had three totally naked three-some attendees practically on the hood of my car screaming. I was SO furious, at this point, that I revved my 4 cylinder engine and shifted into drive. When they realized I was about to run over them... they fled. As I shifted into reverse, I grabbed my camera quick enough to take a picture to which I forwarded to everyone in my address book minus family members and friends over 40.

To be continued...

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***

The Status of It All

Crushing, heart breaking, knock down drag out break ups. I've had plenty to go around. From the silent type to the guy that will never shut up, I have seen it all. Yet, it amazes me to find that after an endless supply of relationship I still haven't learned my lesson. I still do not know how to pick a guy, deal with their issues, and find a match that fits my life.

I created this blog to document my journey, past and future, to remind myself of where I have been and why I left each and every time. Maybe you have some advice for me or maybe you can learn from my relationshit.

Hop aboard! Raise your hands! Welcome to the relationship roller coaster!