Tooth

Tooth was his nickname. I bet you can guess why. Although incredibly sexy, Tooth had a (one) crooked tooth. It was not too noticeable-until we started dating.

Imagine this sexy sexy man (minus the tooth):

Big Lips

Cajun Accent

Dark Skin

Brown Hair

Green Eyes

Skinny, but not too skinny

Occupation: Lawn "assistant"???

Oh, he knew how to mow a lawn and keep it up well.

Yes, he was a great lawn assistant in many senses not only on outdoor lawns . *Wink*

Tooth had a HUGE

Ego...

I think I would have an ego the size of his if I were a man of his sexiness, too.

Tooth and I dated for quite a while. We moved in together when I finished school to save money (screeching tires) We fought for no reason made up each time even more passionate than the last. Sometimes we would fight about nothing, but most times it was about his disgusting roommate (Kyle) and his bitch-ass girlfriend. Kyle moved in 4 months after I was living with Tooth because Tooth just could not see him "living on the street". Please note, Tooth lived in a tiny studio apartment in the Northern region of Arkansas. Tooth, Kyle and I were now sharing this tiny room. Two beds, one bathroom with no door, and a TV that took up half of the space. Kyle adopted a dog about two months after living together. A Chocolate Lab (Chevy). He kept Chevy inside for the most part as a baby so when the damn dog became over 100 pounds, Kyle was too scared to let Chevy roam outside. Chevy smelled like rotting antelope carcass with an emphasis on the "ass". Also, Kyle never potty trained him.

A untrained 100 pound chocolate lab in a studio apartment with three people.

You can only imagine the fights that occurred.

Chevy was the least of my worries, however. Kyle's girlfriend practically lived with us although her real residence was two blocks with 4 over skanks just like herself. Her name was Shannon... but she like to go by Shay. I called her Shay once... that was the only time I ever liked her. Anyway, Shannon was your run of the mill sluts, but for some reason decided to leech her sucker (mouth) to Kyle.

I think I'm a pretty nice person most of the time... I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but from the moment I met Shannon she gave me the most disgusting looks known to man. I wish I had a picture. She will have some strange wrinkles one day from those awkward facial expressions.

For 17 months, I ignored her snide comments and overlooked her dirty looks. I even invited her and her friends out with my usual crew to have drinks. What did I get in turn, a bar fight. Those bitches caused a bar fight. I am banned from The Que to this day because of them.

As I was getting off work one evening, I pulled up to the apartment to see Shannon's car in the driveway. I paused for a moment to gather my wit so I could respond to her constant barks with something clever and jabbing. Then, I was ready. I walked into the apartment where I was tackled by the moving, panting carcass and suddenly introduced to the three way sex-capade happening on MY BED in some awkward position. Kyle kneeling over Shannon who was on her stomach and in the lap of you guessed it... Mr. Tooth himself.

Since I had only prepared myself for responses to bitchy comments, I slammed the door and ran as fast as I could to my car. Upon starting the ignition, I had three totally naked three-some attendees practically on the hood of my car screaming. I was SO furious, at this point, that I revved my 4 cylinder engine and shifted into drive. When they realized I was about to run over them... they fled. As I shifted into reverse, I grabbed my camera quick enough to take a picture to which I forwarded to everyone in my address book minus family members and friends over 40.

To be continued...

Kisses,

***Your Ex Girlfriend***